Do u ever feel as if everything is coming at u at once? That the pain and guilt that u clothe urself in is the only fashion u r allowed. Do u ever realize that the only trails u’ve ever been on are the trails that fall from ur eye? Do u ever look at each of the 4 walls in ur room and imagine a new road u can escape down? do u ever fear the reality that this is all u kno so u won’t change? Do u ever realize that people can see u and that’s even worse than being invincible? Do u ever fear a person getting to kno u and realize once they do they’ll just walk away? Do u ever feel so lost and helpless the only thing u can do is stand still? do u ever fear the idea of hope or do u ever just accept hopelessness? These are all just thoughts, right?
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This resonates with me on many levels and perfectly articulates my darkest fears and vulnerabilities. The fear of intimacy in relationships for being seen for who I really am, and my constant struggle with the comfort yet hindrance of familiarity, wondering if I will ever move out of my own way and allow myself to live a full life.
This is so beautifully and painfully written- would love to feature this as creative writing with your permission, of course.