I am wondering if anyone else experiences this. When I choose not to engage in compulsions, an overwhelming feeling of anxiety creeps up on me. I feel as though all of these thoughts I'm leaving unattended will harm me. How can I be comfortable if I don't have an answer for these uncertainties? How can I know I'm worthy?
I realize that this is OCD speaking. But sometimes it feels as though my entire world is flipped upside down.
Choosing not to engage in compulsions is probably always going to come with insurmountable anxiety––I think nearly everyone with OCD can speak to that, especially those who are relatively new to ERP treatment & recovery. I know I've been there! It feels wrong and very distressing to just let the thoughts be...I wonder whether they'll ever go away, whether that means I am okay with, or even like the thoughts...it brings up a LOT of anxiety. And, what you'll learn over time is that you can feel that anxiety, let it be there, and still live your life.
Maybe leaving the thoughts unattended will harm you in some way you don't know of yet... And, how is attending to the thoughts harming you? What are your compulsions getting in the way of in your life? What have you been unable to do because of them? Most often I find that there's more immediate harm to myself (and others) by attending to my compulsions than not. I don't know exactly what bad thing is going to happen if I don't engage in my compulsions, but I do know what bad things happen when I do ritualize: I distance myself from loved ones (I really value connection), I don't have time to make art (I value my creativity), I don't leave my room (I value adventure & generally living), I stop eating (I love trying new foods, cooking, & value my health)...the list goes on.
If your world feels like it's being flipped upside down, what might it be like to try adapting your perspective to meet it there? Instead of worrying/wondering about what harm is going to happen from not engaging in compulsions, consider what harm has already come from engaging in them?
@Abbey Coughlin I'm loving that you identified that it's OCD talking for you, because that passage ("I feel as though all of these thoughts I'm leaving unattended will harm me.") is essentially a core part of OCD. To answer your question, there's absolutely no way to be certain, so why not just let it all go and take the risk?